OOOOOOOOOOO

I still like u, ther is no freak out on the verge of happening, i only wish i was heading to china so soon so that i could spend a few yrs with u first, but if ur patient enough to wait for me il will keep u close x

OOOOO

I like u, i like u alot! its awesome waking up next to u, and having u around, i love how still u r, it will take some geting used to having a boyfriend again, but im glad its u, i knew i should hold out for the person it felt rite with. I hope u cn be patient while i get used to being some ones again, it does feel abit strange.

freak out

crazyness is happening in my mind, ugh i hate mental illnesses. what is my problem? what is my barrier? y have i stopped being able to let people past a certain point? i hate myself for it.

decent people get hurt cause of me i really think they should just sty away, getting past that wall is like getting blood out of a stone and the people that try get left behind

unfortunately

the more i try and convince myself not to like u the more i actually do, u look at me and i feel electric, i act like a sick lost pup and i hate myself for it. I will come over and talk with u i will get drunk and stand far to close to u and i will get upset if u tell me u think some one else is hot. i apologise for being a twit.

i seem to be spending my days

completely overwhelmed by the amount of work i have to do and my evenings depressed at work serving the numberless faceless twats that want alcohol. If i dont get over this hump i will slip behind, i did work in my sleep again last night and came up with some good ideas funny enough i might have a decent dissertation topic out of it. I knew my other ideas to date were shite and it was playing on my mind. My exma's sooooo bad atm, its every where.

Im glad however that ive got training i rely on that friend group so much. all my other 'friends' have stopped including me.

i seem to be getting caught in a web of things

not sure really what to do about it, wish Juliet was here she always has awesome advise and then some how makes me forget about it al, i think the best way forwards wen it comes to emotional things like this is to make my choice and stick to it. So i will try and do that quick. i sure ive already chosen actually but i just wana make double sure, no coming back from this one

lots of people made judgements on me last night, that i was a slut and that i destroy men, and i worry about such myself, just cause i enjoy casual sex and dnt need any commitment from them, apparently i destroyed chris, but wed only been seeing each other for like 4 weeks and it wasnt going to work, 4 weeks and its not working out it never will. So instead of all the mean options i could have gone for like text dumping him or dragging it out longer i dint i maned up i spoke to him told him my feelings, cnt say fairer than that!

I never sleep with a guy and let them think that wer guna be anything more, i dnt hurt people. Yeh ive slept with alot of guys, so?

And its not like i cant stay committed i was in a three and a half yr relationship!

i really ant fucking wait to go to asia

its worth it its worth it its worth it, its worth working all summer with no summer holiday, its worth 60hr weeks, its work a 15,000 word dissertation, its worth working at a job that id rather not have to do all the time and the sleepless nights that follow, its worth no christmas or new yrs or halloween, ITS FUCKING WORTH IT, i am going to china i will make an awesome life for myself out of hard graft and pure determination.

ur gone and a little hole gapes, at least i can chill now, strange. ur leaving also, that im trying not to think about, i know we dont spend to much time together but knowing u wer down the road helped abit, i hate to think of u struggling, u dont deserve it, ur works awesome and i know u'l make it into something awesome, i know u'l life will be full of all the stability u crave and that i couldnt give u.

woop

I feel better, i feel better yayyayaya i can sleep again and i dnt feel sick! got training and a good night out planned and im well please, hopefully this really is the end of me sleep problems i am fed up of waking up in the middle of my room or waking up wen i should be asleep.

it is a shame that i am so fucked up that i cant go out with any one cause i will just fuck them up. im leaving for china, il never be able to settle down it sucks.

any way heres for awesomeness tonight

You've got this new head filled up with smoke

You've got this new head filled up with smoke
and I've got my veins all tangled close
To the jukebox bars you frequent
The safest place to hide
A long night spent with your most obvious weaknesses
You start shaking at the thought
You are everything I want
'Cause you are everything I'm not

And we lay, we lay together just not
Too close, too close (how close is close enough ?)
We lay, we lay together just not
Too close, too close

want

feel ill and i want hugs and snuggles and hot chocolate and ice cream and a movie

Ur one of the only people that i cnt read! if ur around then i try not to get with any one else unless uve pissed me right off by turning me down. like what just happened now, the thing is the mixed signals, i dnt even know if u know that ur giving them but u r something chronic like! CAN U PLEASE JUST DESIDE WETHER U WANT ME OR NOT AND STOP TOYING WITH MY HEART IF YOU DONT, cause u know what id like to just be friends with u if thats what u want. but u tease me that it could be more ur guna distroy my insides AGAIN! fucking again!

update of monotonous proportions

SO i got the fucking job, been busy first shifts have gone swimmingly with little mistakes, told em i could do it with me eyes closed. And whats more is i think they actually like me :)

It didn't work out with the guy i was seeing. It was nothing major, i didnt think we got along very well. I just couldn't take his negativity and generally found that i couldn't have a laugh with him. I couldn't cook for him, which is important to me, it makes me feel good to have someone enjoy my food and he just wouldn't. Also our conversations always centred around him, id quiz him about how he was and he wouldn't take the same interest in the subjects i bought up. So yea lots of little things kinda added up. I know it was the right thing to do and i don't regret it at all, just a shame that i have to be single again.

Things are slowly getting sorted ready for the uni year to start still got alot to do but no where near as much as i did have

Payday is finally in sight, cept i think they may have fucked it up abit. I love my friends and i know im guna have a good, difficult year full of challenges that will shape me as a person.

I wrote my life story done, well most of it, i wonder what to do with it, as far as im concerned its written well and it would be nice to have an opinion on it but at the same time having some one know about all of that would be pretty hard.

ugh i feel sick

theres something inside me that pulls beneithe the surface

no spel checker on this PC so deal

the glimmer of hope wen u get a job interview is horrible wen its squished with no responce after. The problem with the interviews that test ur personality to c if it would match urs is that u take it personally wen they dnt want u. Im a cool person :( and whats more i cn do the jobs im applying for with me eyes sewn fucking shut!

so much wering around in my head, old things new things, dnt want to spend the evning alone in an emty house but cnt think of what else to do, watch a film and zone out

u make me nurvose so i really cnt think

Ok theres no spell checker on this computer...

breath breath breath

so much to do so much to sort i hate upheavel want to settel, almost ther...

woop

boro piza and drinks, stripers and skunk, drinks from 2pm - 2am, death driving and forbidden corners, american diners and lesbian lasagne, beach and tattoos, shishas and cross dressing.... could it be any more epic?

needles to say i listened to my self chilled out and had a really good time, cleared my room out of old stuff and old memories and told myself to stop being silly

from now on i just wana relax, the stuff ive worked hard for is starting to come together and it will all be good just need to remeber to chill got loads still to sort, working solidly for the next week, 60+ hrs then moving back to boro, then gotta find another job and all sorts

woah

Being int boro is strange, i thought id feel like i was home but i dnt, i feel all shook up, all the things, ur every where, i went through some stuff and ther u were some times it aches and some times im ok, wen will be ok all the time? theres a new person on the horizon and im not even sure if i can handle it, im just going with the flow hes the first person thats got past the first barrier since u, ugh...

Holly listen to me, get a grip. go with the flow, relax, enjoy ur self, ur ok, all ur mates r here and they love u, theyve never let u down no matter how fucked up u r so just chill,

stir crazy

Its hard, my own mental prison, the only thing i cnt take is somthing other people face every day with out a problem.

feels abit down

i guess maybe cause yesterday was such a high that coming down was inevitable, i feel like thats it theres not much else to look forward to. Also i really really miss my uni friends and the comfort they bring me, it dosnt matter that im single wen im at uni thers so many people rallying round giving me hugs and well just keeping me company. here thers none of that and today i feel it more

so say something sweet

to get me by cause i dnt think u will be enough, then i swear come tomorrow this will all be in our past and it might be for the best.

palliative care

U walk in to this ward and its like a hotel, every thing stinks of ur getting special treatment because ur never going to make it. If i wer them id want the normal ward, strange maybe i wonder what they think....

a smile on ur face and a friendly demeanour can they tell ur over reacting or trying to be nice, or goin to far with it, some of them r young, to young.

dont be shocked that people die be shocked that ur still alive, lyrics from the song that just came on while i was writing this

getting ther

list of things that need to be sorted

1) forms for work

-CBR check

-Bank details

-P45

-Two passport photos attached sent off

- time sheets ofr all the work doen handed in

2) University

- am i enrolled properly for next yr?

3) previous employer

- pay didnt come through, wrong amount, ring them complain

4) Rent runs out 10 days before the contract begins

- extend contract for 10 days or find some where to put my stuff?

5) Job while in boro,

- apply now

need to do all this while wrking 6 days a week, tough also trying to arrange that i go to boro for a wknd, and an awesome gig coming up

that dnt impress me much

UM second best ah hellllls no is what i say, i mean cheers but no thanks am i settling for that shit ever. U choose me first then hairy muff but no way r u guna get with sum one else in front of me then try and get with me errrrrrmmmmmmm fook rite off

(wake up, shower, eat, drink, piss, shit, drive, sit, answer the phone, collect patient, sit, (answer the phone, collect patient), x 20, eat, (data entry) x 20 drive, sleep, dinner, telly, sleep,) x 16

time to go out me thinks 1950's style :)

thank god

for going out and a chill out day

and

One of my friends is really really annoying me, she refuses to take my advice after years of being upset and coming to me about it, and then she continually puts him first. She couldnt even chill out and have a good time wen i really needed a good night. I cant be arsed to talk to her, i dnt wana listen to her talk about herself and this one problem over and over again, it does my head in.

my brain has turned to mush

like full on mush. Working in my new job numbs ur brain so much u get stuck in patterns of: Hello, Holly speaking how can i help? processes after processes u turn in to a zombie following protocol and its only been 4 days! i need suming to break it up abit some fun times in the middle where thers nothing else to think about except for the good things at that moment i havent got any of that. My mind keeps wondering to paper work double and triple checking procedures things i did wrong. Now u understand y i go out even wen the work schedules full on. I'l go crazy i even dream about it.

new things

start my new job tomorrow cross my fingers for an awesome performance on my part. Sure il do fine the only part im worried about is fucking up the data base.

i deleted

the link to this page of my profile so if ur reading this u saved the address? its really not that interesting. The address is far to complicated to remember the only person that would get it is jake.

Note about my blog: 1) i dont often mention names so dnt assume u know who im on about and 2) sometimes im drunk wen i post so dnt always take it seriously

Back to life: The doors been closed and so new ones open.

is it strange

that i would soooo be a pole dance / lap dancer if i had the figure? hrm maybe i should just get the figure and do it! ive never been unhappy with my weight, well well not truly unhappy. But it couldnt hurt to try and loose weight tone up and then go for the job, will mean money and it doesn't bother me being naked, hrmmmm

home

yay for china looking do-able... please give me a job so i dnt have to spend my savings on it

the lakes

are beautiful! i could go on but i wont so just go its amazing.

and what the hell is this random film! the astronauts wife! i mean what the fuck ooooo crap ending trying to mascarade as a good one thats slightly unended like what could happen next.... im sure what ever it is its shit! give me those two hrs back please

so wen i c u should i act cool or should i i just say it, i know with us in the past just being open is best but i dunno this time, i'l wait til i c u, i cnt even talk to my friend cause it directly contradicts the advise ive been giving her on her own separate issues

waaaa

The dreams are back and so r u, i guess it was guna happen at some point i just wish i could scrape back the clear state of mind i had before when i was sure that i'd doe the right thing.

If u hadnt of come and spoken to me and reminded me of all the good times we'd had and how awesome u wer then i'd be fine.

Its such a careful balance with u, i dnt want to upset u or make a mess of our friendship which is important to me

the plan so far

Every ones leaving, as am i and wen i come back nothing will be the same again. I'l have to get myself sorted out, move house, get a job, set up dyslexic support so that i can pass me masters with flying colours, keep up training, learn mandarin and go out to keep up appearance's and work of the frustration of all the other things. I think if i felt like i was guna fall apart last yr this nxt yr coming i definitely will.

Work hard for an easy future

I will also have to be applying for the TEFL teaching cert for the yr after that in Beijing, one whole yr in china :) traveling to japan and Thailand in my spare time then straight back to england to get a job in marketing moving up to a higher paid job / company wen available

Then... long term gain experience in marketing, keep up my knowledge in Mandarin and then c if i can transfer to a firm in different country

crazy plan ey? wheres the time for settling down hrmm? blah u can do that wen u die

tryed new things

and had a good day with friends, missed a few people that i would of liked to have seen but is proud to have fit in with a new crowd and felt very welcomed by them :)

is gutted

didnt want to c that, went against my own superior knowledge of staying away and then just got put down again.

i tell u what thou, im not guna let it get me down (yeh thats the way to think) todays guna be awesome :) im guna go get ready and look the awesomest ive ever lookd a big Fuck you to the sky

no i wont

I'm tuggin' at my hair
I'm pullin' at my clothes
I'm tryin' to keep my cool
I know it shows

I'm staring at my feet
My cheeks are turning red
And I'm searching for the words inside my head

hrm that might be the beginning of my disenchantment

need to get on with my life and stop dwelling and i intent to do that, two weeks to keep it fresh and funckey than home for abit then back here to start a new yr of joy lots to sort including my yr in china xxx

an unanalysed life is a life not worth living

is confused

confused about life, i thought i understood people pretty well but i guess i dnt, i'm constantly guessing what will happen next, wether i'l be stood alone or not

Trust

To trust ones self is probably the biggest gift u can give ur self.

DADS

are very childish, ooooo its a sad day wen u realise that u have ur own head screwed on tighter than ur dads, im sharing a treat with u, why are u acting so ungreatfull, their are plenty of people that i could of invited that would have made me feel like i was truely sharing a gift. Three yrs of my time... omg fml cba

the time of ur life

Another turning point;
a fork stuck in the road.

Time grabs you by the wrist;
directs you where to go.

So make the best of this test
and don't ask why.

It's not a question
but a lesson learned in time.

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs
and still frames in your mind.

Hang it on a shelf
In good health and good time.

Tattoos of memories
and dead skin on trial.

For what it's worth,
it was worth all the while.

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

bye my beautiful friends u'l find a new path and i wnt be on it with u, not long now

concience

the feeling u cant escape sometimes when u think about the world and all the suffering while u sit in ur nice warm room, how to live ur life and be a good person, what is a good person? how can i become one? y is my blog filled with so many questions that can never be answered and y do i waste my time on these questions? because i care thats y

ponder land

more random pondering's for u... what would you do in a battle royal situation? kill or be killed?hunt people out or wait for them to come to u? commit suicide? make friends? try and escape?

How would you feel if u came out alive after killing? i guess thats the true question, if you could live with ur self then it would be ok if not then u might as well die

I dnt believe we go any where wen we die, the thing that keeps are spirit or consciousness alive is the body and when that dies our thoughts die with it. In a way we'r still around cause we'l biodegrade and become nutrients for things but thats it. It docent make me sad just more determined to live life. I dnt feel upset thinking my grandad isnt looking down on me cause i remember what he was when he was alive and how i think he would have felt about me and my choices.

He always said he wanted his girls to get an education and to go to university, here i am :-D

the beauty of death

I saw a dead bumble bee today, it was big and fluffy and puffed up, beautiful, am i in danger of sounding like a goth? i wanted to keep it

On another note, how can i trust u? uve already let me down, y do u mess with my head so, tell me what u want from me, i should just stay me for now i guess

awesomeness skating today, felt like a cool bean :)

no face

Last night i was wondering what life would be like if we all had no faces, yes these thoughts go through my head, leave me alone. If we all had no faces or and physical defining features, e.g we all looked the same then people would stand out for who they were and what they did, the face is a mask sent to confuse us, u make up so many assumptions on a face.... wonders to ponder land

Im done, well almost but technically, most people are wet blankets atm! CROWN TONIGHT :)

ok so

im almost done, things are going to change so much that its guna be scary, please give me the job, i hope i impress tomorrow, if i get the job i can save more for my masters and traveling, il never ever ever see my friends like i see them now, all the time, casually, they'l have different lives, im glad i have my best friend she'l always be there, maybe some of these new people will prove to be the same

the hope for something that might never happen

Kills. Miss home today thanks to some one cooking roast dinner and making me think of mum. Want this thing that i want so badly its not even cool, day dreams of home and them in it fills my head.

Work is going well so close to finished i can taste it.

aaaaaaaaaaa

is all i can say, last night was the best chill out sesh, i had to leave uni and i was sitting ther frustrated when a text came through, of course i went straight over and spent 1 hr and 30 min :) jees u gotta love it, its like meditation, only one thing go's though ur mind: how ur feeling at that very second. When i got home i cooked dinner and watched a film with a can of strong bow, awesome! today i feel so refreshed i can actually start the 2000 word report :)

i hate the scrambled egg feeling

The stress of final yr reaches boiling point today, people say i complain to much, which i think i do, but if i cnt complain to my own blog who can i complain to, today i had to remind myself that the waking world was real not my dream which left me in a wired imbertween stage for hours until the piece of work i spent all of sunday on failed at life. Spent hours redoing that, found out i didn't get the job at the union, wish i knew why. Have to start a 2000 word report now that because of being dyslexic will take a decade and theres a piece of work that should be included in it that i havent done because i cnt because i need the bloody unreliable support worker to help me. To top it off an ex has been talking about me to his mates which happen to be my friends as well and its only 14:43, what the fuck happened?! and all my friends are leaving and i will have to figure out wtf to do with my life soon, going with the flow never has been my strong point

k done

has had

an awesome few days with her mates :) BBQ's and sped up porn, JKD and empire :D am going to do wrk now, i have no food in the house which is going to be a pain in the bum

hung over much

with a few battle wounds. The suns shinning i wana sit on the grass and not do any thing

not sure why

but i just sacked off every guy that was interested in me for the simple life, no complications, i guess if i liked any of them enough the complications would be worth it so there my answer.

Am i actually preferring being single? hrmmm would love a night on the sofa with some1s arms round me thou

TWO SHEAS ARE OUT THIS WEEK :) :) :)

Trust

not sure how to trust sum1 again, let alone myself. If i let myself be with this person then im doomed to miss them, not sure what to do

migraine's and tsunami dreams

Dreams of drowning. Would rather the reoccurring dream of not being good enough to be honest rather than seeing a wave in the distance and knowing im going to die over and over. Before that i had a migraine which wasnt fun either, was trapped at a mates house had to go up stairs and wait for the nausea to pass before walking home.

It started off as such as nice day, sun was shinning, it was actually warm, went rollerskating, learnt some new tricks, got food at the Southfield and then me own body sabotaged me.

blaaaah got to spend today working so i can get it done before deadline tomorrow.

wen i'm old

When are we adults? wen is it to late, is the answer never cause god i hope so, i used to think when i was maybe 16-19 that being 22 i would no what i was doing more and not make embarrassing mistakes. This is the age that 30 somethings look back on as if it was the best time ever when they were free.

scrambled eggs and no eye dears

at uni and i have no idea what to do with my time that would be conducive to my studies.

HAHAHA just remembered a joke: what do u call a dear with no eyes?

...............

no idea!!

i feel like me brain is scrambled egg, dnt want to do any mre work :(

omg

back at uni and really stressed at the concept of work, haven't even started yet, this third yrs guna kill me, hopefully some fun tonight will be just what the dr ordered :)

stressed stressed stressed stressed stressed stressed stressed stressed stressed stressed stressed

like beyond

lifes a funny thing

u think u have the answers and then they dissolve in front of u. today i realised that none of us get wiser, mum had some very backwards view on life that confused me completely. I argued so profusely that my way was right, but how can i be u sure, how can any one, u choose ur own path and im cacking mine up, arnt we all?

The Royal Warrant

In stark contrast to sitting with my dad in a tattoo studio i have just spent the day in Chorleywood, Rickmansworth. A very well off area on the outskirts of london. I was quiet amused, sipping my glass of sauvignon, to hear my uncle mention the royal warrant his business had just received and the list of activities that the queen was at that he could attend should he so wish. He then moved on to say that new money was terrible. I knew what he meant when he said it and unfortunately i had already noticed the people he was on about.

Its the little things that make the difference when your in a nice restaurant filled with posh people. OH they'l sit their with their wellies on (or should i call them Wellington boots) with the labrador next to them toffing over something but the second u pick up the wrong fork and use it like a shovel they r on to u. My uncle is a classic example with his waist coat and tweed.

Then we moved on to a conversation of how the class system was corrupt with new money/ blood and how they'd never know the etiquette to be in a nice place... it made me wonder about myself, where to i fit with my back piece, lip piercing and love of metal?

I dont care I VERY much enjoyed my 3 scollops for £7, truffel risotto and 2 glasses of sauvignon

Its always in the evening when i feel pathetic, i guess its the time when i cnt fill my time with any thing and i start to think. I knancker myself out at uni so i dont have to stop or at least when i do i'm tired, but here im rested i can stop, i can think, i can feel alone. Sleep brings no rest from my thoughts cause u torture me in my dreams. Thoughts of not being good enough not fitting in swirl and form evil dreams, every god damn night.

magnolia trees and macaroni cheese...

... sums up my day, possibly thee most random day ever!

Mum and i went on a road trip to Hampsted, london. What a weird town, gated streets that u cnt go down, big hills with modern glass buildings, old english pubs next to bistros and cottages! seriously this place was strange! i loved it, so eclectic. We visited an old grave yard that supposedly one of my family members is buried in, the graves were piled high with ivy and gothic angels everywhere.

Then we drove to camden town which is my favourite place on the planet so far. Market stalls selling everything cool, alternative people the best alternative club, pints in the sun by the lock and the king of falafel.

Tonight just guna chill and meet up with gran in london tomorrow :)

Were going to one on my favourite restaurants for easter dinner, yummy, my friends would have a fit at how posh i am when im at home lol

mic check

New post new day i wonder what il be doing, mum was saying we should go into london and fill our bellies with sushi, i agree whole hartedly. In regards to my Dad he didnt buy me chocolate so it seems like it going to be a egg free easter, however he did by me some boxing glove wraps. We joked that he was big daddy and i was hit girl. My 20th birthday present consisted of a pair sais. My course of action with my ex is the only female course of action to be taken by females across the country: silent treatment.

This hole mess kinda begs the question... Is it really possible to be friends with an ex?

Ooh new day new start no more dwelling on crap, and dnt u dare think about uni work ur supposed to be having a small holiday, u no ur work will be better for it in the end

MK sucks to many bad things here, depressed an lonesome, facebook isnt the answer and nors this blog, sleep (no dreams please)

excluded moroseness

One chance, two chance thats usually all i give, i give more im failing myself, failing to realise that this person is no good for me. When i brake this personal rule it almost always ends up in pain. To explain in detail really would be delving deep, maybe to much so for now.

So as this post is so late it is safe for u to assume that i am not in a club with my old friends who i know for a fact are out. I didnt want to just turn up like some weird ex girlfriend, and i'd be damned before i invited myself.

Alot of effort was made on my behalf to include my ex in mine and my friends plans, but i knew if i didnt he would be sat on his own in boro. So now as i sit on my own thinking of them in a club drinking i wonder y i bothered, and maybe i wont any more. This would be the second time, i said to him how much i'd like to see Cassie and James and Stuart.

hrm

i wana go out tonight! tonight is the test really, i include my ex in my activities since he recently moved back to Middlesborough. He has limited friends but i make sure he comes out with us. Its not always easy i was with him for 3 and a half yrs but i never leave people out. I no what it feels like and would never do that deliberately to any one else. At home i have limited friends, well one actually, my best friend, thing is shes hardly ever up for the crack. So will my ex invite me out with his friends like ive been doing all yr long? we'l c

dads and tattoos

So spending the whole day in a tattoo studio with my Dad is actually my idea of fun. He's late already though and the appointment time with me friend James is getting abit close for comfort. Then on to c shutter island and a big debate over which is the best martial art probably over nandos as this is his fave :) i am a dadies girl really. He best have chocolate for me, i shelled out lol wheres mine?

waaaaa im confused how does this thing work? how do u find other people? im bored i wana read some blogs

ur gay and im new read my rant

K so first blog of all time

I wana keep it like a diary but dnt wana spill to much... how far will i reveal my own psyche to complete strangers we'l c i guess.

BY THE WAY if ur going to read this uve gotta no two things 1) i am going to use text speak 2) I am dyslexic so my wording/ the occasional spelling will be off, do not correct me or i'l hate u for ever!

Ive always found it very strange since i got to uni, it was the best thing that happened to me, i cried as i read the acceptance letter and teesside hasnt let me down, it is my home. So coming home for easter... docent feel like my home any more. I love my family i love seeing them but i want to go home at the same time.

Thank god i got into the MSc, another yr at Teesside with my new mates sounds like the most awesome thing ever! and scary as fuck.

Dyslexia never was a problem studying graphic design (well not till i got to the dissertation but thats another story)

It will be for my MSc thou cause i've chosen a different subject. People dont understand y i cant do the things other people find simple, neither do i to be honest. All i no is that ive had to struggle with it since i was born and next year will be an epic battle. Adults are the worst, they just think ur dumb and dont understand. They stereotype quicker.

I'm not stupid thou, just a different way of understanding things thats all, it can be harder to relate to some people but at the same time i get things other people dont.

If man kind could banish one thing it would be ignorance, through understanding u gain empathy through empathy the motivation for change.

well rant over, next rant.... tomorrow probably