is it strange

that i would soooo be a pole dance / lap dancer if i had the figure? hrm maybe i should just get the figure and do it! ive never been unhappy with my weight, well well not truly unhappy. But it couldnt hurt to try and loose weight tone up and then go for the job, will mean money and it doesn't bother me being naked, hrmmmm

home

yay for china looking do-able... please give me a job so i dnt have to spend my savings on it

the lakes

are beautiful! i could go on but i wont so just go its amazing.

and what the hell is this random film! the astronauts wife! i mean what the fuck ooooo crap ending trying to mascarade as a good one thats slightly unended like what could happen next.... im sure what ever it is its shit! give me those two hrs back please

so wen i c u should i act cool or should i i just say it, i know with us in the past just being open is best but i dunno this time, i'l wait til i c u, i cnt even talk to my friend cause it directly contradicts the advise ive been giving her on her own separate issues

waaaa

The dreams are back and so r u, i guess it was guna happen at some point i just wish i could scrape back the clear state of mind i had before when i was sure that i'd doe the right thing.

If u hadnt of come and spoken to me and reminded me of all the good times we'd had and how awesome u wer then i'd be fine.

Its such a careful balance with u, i dnt want to upset u or make a mess of our friendship which is important to me

the plan so far

Every ones leaving, as am i and wen i come back nothing will be the same again. I'l have to get myself sorted out, move house, get a job, set up dyslexic support so that i can pass me masters with flying colours, keep up training, learn mandarin and go out to keep up appearance's and work of the frustration of all the other things. I think if i felt like i was guna fall apart last yr this nxt yr coming i definitely will.

Work hard for an easy future

I will also have to be applying for the TEFL teaching cert for the yr after that in Beijing, one whole yr in china :) traveling to japan and Thailand in my spare time then straight back to england to get a job in marketing moving up to a higher paid job / company wen available

Then... long term gain experience in marketing, keep up my knowledge in Mandarin and then c if i can transfer to a firm in different country

crazy plan ey? wheres the time for settling down hrmm? blah u can do that wen u die

tryed new things

and had a good day with friends, missed a few people that i would of liked to have seen but is proud to have fit in with a new crowd and felt very welcomed by them :)

is gutted

didnt want to c that, went against my own superior knowledge of staying away and then just got put down again.

i tell u what thou, im not guna let it get me down (yeh thats the way to think) todays guna be awesome :) im guna go get ready and look the awesomest ive ever lookd a big Fuck you to the sky

no i wont

I'm tuggin' at my hair
I'm pullin' at my clothes
I'm tryin' to keep my cool
I know it shows

I'm staring at my feet
My cheeks are turning red
And I'm searching for the words inside my head