i seem to be getting caught in a web of things

not sure really what to do about it, wish Juliet was here she always has awesome advise and then some how makes me forget about it al, i think the best way forwards wen it comes to emotional things like this is to make my choice and stick to it. So i will try and do that quick. i sure ive already chosen actually but i just wana make double sure, no coming back from this one

lots of people made judgements on me last night, that i was a slut and that i destroy men, and i worry about such myself, just cause i enjoy casual sex and dnt need any commitment from them, apparently i destroyed chris, but wed only been seeing each other for like 4 weeks and it wasnt going to work, 4 weeks and its not working out it never will. So instead of all the mean options i could have gone for like text dumping him or dragging it out longer i dint i maned up i spoke to him told him my feelings, cnt say fairer than that!

I never sleep with a guy and let them think that wer guna be anything more, i dnt hurt people. Yeh ive slept with alot of guys, so?

And its not like i cant stay committed i was in a three and a half yr relationship!

i really ant fucking wait to go to asia

its worth it its worth it its worth it, its worth working all summer with no summer holiday, its worth 60hr weeks, its work a 15,000 word dissertation, its worth working at a job that id rather not have to do all the time and the sleepless nights that follow, its worth no christmas or new yrs or halloween, ITS FUCKING WORTH IT, i am going to china i will make an awesome life for myself out of hard graft and pure determination.

ur gone and a little hole gapes, at least i can chill now, strange. ur leaving also, that im trying not to think about, i know we dont spend to much time together but knowing u wer down the road helped abit, i hate to think of u struggling, u dont deserve it, ur works awesome and i know u'l make it into something awesome, i know u'l life will be full of all the stability u crave and that i couldnt give u.

woop

I feel better, i feel better yayyayaya i can sleep again and i dnt feel sick! got training and a good night out planned and im well please, hopefully this really is the end of me sleep problems i am fed up of waking up in the middle of my room or waking up wen i should be asleep.

it is a shame that i am so fucked up that i cant go out with any one cause i will just fuck them up. im leaving for china, il never be able to settle down it sucks.

any way heres for awesomeness tonight

You've got this new head filled up with smoke

You've got this new head filled up with smoke
and I've got my veins all tangled close
To the jukebox bars you frequent
The safest place to hide
A long night spent with your most obvious weaknesses
You start shaking at the thought
You are everything I want
'Cause you are everything I'm not

And we lay, we lay together just not
Too close, too close (how close is close enough ?)
We lay, we lay together just not
Too close, too close

want

feel ill and i want hugs and snuggles and hot chocolate and ice cream and a movie