freak out

crazyness is happening in my mind, ugh i hate mental illnesses. what is my problem? what is my barrier? y have i stopped being able to let people past a certain point? i hate myself for it.

decent people get hurt cause of me i really think they should just sty away, getting past that wall is like getting blood out of a stone and the people that try get left behind

unfortunately

the more i try and convince myself not to like u the more i actually do, u look at me and i feel electric, i act like a sick lost pup and i hate myself for it. I will come over and talk with u i will get drunk and stand far to close to u and i will get upset if u tell me u think some one else is hot. i apologise for being a twit.

i seem to be spending my days

completely overwhelmed by the amount of work i have to do and my evenings depressed at work serving the numberless faceless twats that want alcohol. If i dont get over this hump i will slip behind, i did work in my sleep again last night and came up with some good ideas funny enough i might have a decent dissertation topic out of it. I knew my other ideas to date were shite and it was playing on my mind. My exma's sooooo bad atm, its every where.

Im glad however that ive got training i rely on that friend group so much. all my other 'friends' have stopped including me.