y does it feel like you just dont wanna do anything with me any more

This week has been a shit week to be honest. not only did I loose my confidence in being able to perform in a professional environment, and have a few brake downs, Chewys become almost completely closed off and I dont think he even realizes it.

HE is fed up of me being around I dont care what he says. Y else would he be about his friends 24/7 and everything I wanna do or that im excited about he either shits on changes his mind completely and docent go. Hes stopped being attentive as well, I go up to him for attention and he is always the first to brake away and sum times he even looks put out by it. What am I supposed to do about that except for talk to him about it. Sept I already have and it changed nothing.

LOST

Im completly lost, what shall i do with myself?

I have no job, no home, no fixed address, no money, plenty of great friends but I still drift at the seems.

Me and the man are doing well, seems we kinda reached some level of understanding I guess, a middle ground we can both exist on.

So what do I do now? I went to an interview in Leeds, moving to Leeds and starting over scares me. Staying in Middlesbrough forever scares me, moving permanently back to MK scares me.

Do i get a job in Marketing or just get a job in general. Arnt I to old for this... im 24!

I'm looking down at this mess that you've made

I've learned to let go
Come on

Here's a middle finger
Coming straight from oca-l-a
I appreciate your judgement
it's proved that I can't trust a word you say
those must be some pair of binoculars
that you see every move I make
so I'll never be a liar
but you'll always be two-faced

You'll get what's coming to you
You're blinded by your instincts
I'm not your fucking game
I'm not so easily beat

I'm looking down at this mess that you've made
and I can't believe that I stayed
So unhappy for so long
Where did I go wrong?
I've got to get out of this
my hand is on the handle
We're leaving everything behind
Goodbye for a lifetime

I'll rip that scandalous bitch in two
We'll bring the noise

Try to pretend that I never even knew your name
'cause everything you are disgusts me
(Too bad I can't turn back time)
So I wouldn't be here
what I'd give for you to disappear
so tell me girly how's your edge?

You've got nothing better to do
I know why you can't see straight
I thought you were better than this
but you're just like everyone else

I'm looking down at this mess that you've made
and I can't believe that I stayed
So unhappy for so long
Where did I go wrong?
I've got to get out of this
my hand is on the handle
We're leaving everything behind
Goodbye for a lifetime

I'll make my stand
right here with my friends
I'll make my stand
right here with my friends
I'll make my stand
right here with my friends
I'll make my stand
right here with my friends
I'll make my stand
right here with my friends

Get low
Now I know who my friends are
I'm never coming home

mirrors

my eyes are mirrors
my smiles fake
my confidence shivers
loves a mistake

dont ask for my heart in lies in tatters
dont ask for my soul its so weak it shatters

i want these feelings to fade
instead they cut deep like a sharp blade

different now

ur different to me now, things i believed, things u said, they werent true were they

u said ud never get board of me if i was in your house, that this is my home to: its sooo very not thou is it, in the first week of me being here u were completely fed up of me and thought about dumping me, treated me like crap.

U cryed and said u wanted me back, that ud just been stressed because of your back pain and you didnt know how to cope, cept it wasnt just your back was it, ud thought about dumping me, it was me.

u said it was only ever natalie that flirted with you, that you ignored her wen ever she tryed: but u didnt did you, u asked her to sleep with you.

told her u didnt see the point in relationships while u were with me. didnt see the point in me.

How am i supposed to go back to how it was knowing all of that?

grans ill, dads not talking and i loose my job in three weeks. i feel down down down

new year

New year and i enter it with out a clue, i have no clue what so ever

I guess u determine your own way so i choose alittle bit of traveling this year, trying to sort it all now make sure im ready, last year i failed at traveling to complete my masters which was very worth it. ive still got the picture from when i took all my traveling savings out of the bank to pay for the rent and bills. cryed loads when i handed all that cash over to the housing place.

not this year

i wanna see all the ways people live their lifes, so many different ways of thinking, so many different answers to one question: how to live

I saw her laugh then she said go away

I love u.... i just dont like you any more