ur the darkest burning star

u walst into my life and swept me up into ur world, i greedily accepted ur acceptance and gave u my own,

then u took a step back and i was left groping in the dark for something i thought i had, every now and again u step into arms reach then back again, my fingers brush ur skin, ur face then the air.

i love u, step towards me and i will not let u down, can u trust me that much, can u trust urself that much?

I remember when all the games began
Remember every little lie and every last goodbye
Promises you broke, words you choked on
and I never walked away,
it's still a mystery to me

Well I'm so empty
I'm better off without you and you're better off without me
Well you're so unclean
I'm better off without you and you're better off without me

The lying, the bleeding, the screaming
Was tearing me apart
The hatred (deceiving), the beatings; it's over

OOOOOOOOOOO

I still like u, ther is no freak out on the verge of happening, i only wish i was heading to china so soon so that i could spend a few yrs with u first, but if ur patient enough to wait for me il will keep u close x

OOOOO

I like u, i like u alot! its awesome waking up next to u, and having u around, i love how still u r, it will take some geting used to having a boyfriend again, but im glad its u, i knew i should hold out for the person it felt rite with. I hope u cn be patient while i get used to being some ones again, it does feel abit strange.

freak out

crazyness is happening in my mind, ugh i hate mental illnesses. what is my problem? what is my barrier? y have i stopped being able to let people past a certain point? i hate myself for it.

decent people get hurt cause of me i really think they should just sty away, getting past that wall is like getting blood out of a stone and the people that try get left behind

unfortunately

the more i try and convince myself not to like u the more i actually do, u look at me and i feel electric, i act like a sick lost pup and i hate myself for it. I will come over and talk with u i will get drunk and stand far to close to u and i will get upset if u tell me u think some one else is hot. i apologise for being a twit.

i seem to be spending my days

completely overwhelmed by the amount of work i have to do and my evenings depressed at work serving the numberless faceless twats that want alcohol. If i dont get over this hump i will slip behind, i did work in my sleep again last night and came up with some good ideas funny enough i might have a decent dissertation topic out of it. I knew my other ideas to date were shite and it was playing on my mind. My exma's sooooo bad atm, its every where.

Im glad however that ive got training i rely on that friend group so much. all my other 'friends' have stopped including me.