19 years

Of studying, and its now over with a pass grade for my masters, guess i really am an adult now

http://www.lilaclane.com/relationships/emotional-abuse/

that is whats happening, i have to leave, i will not stay, i must be strong, stay strong, please give me the strength to get through this

System: Connected

System: Searching for a chat partner...

System: A new listener has entered your chat from CA, United States

Listener: hello

Me: hi

Listener: whats up?

Me: i feel stuck i guess

Me: its hard for me to talk about cause i havent really got it sorted in my own head yet

Listener: ok, tell me about it maybe i can help

Me: well my boyfriend of 8 months if very hard to be with

Me: and i actually think i hate being here now

Listener: just start at the beginning.. if im slow to respond im just thinking how to say what i want to say :)

Me: ok cheers

Listener: ok.. you live together?

Me: yes

Listener: can i ask how old you both are>

Me: he hets angry because he is very ill all the time

Me: 23/21

Listener: nods.. ill from?

Me: diabetic and his spine is compacting in on its self

Listener: aha that must be terribly frustrating for him being so young and so ill, and that has got to be hard on you

Me: yes, i think it is very hard for him

Me: he gets angry everyday

Me: more than once a day

Me: he shouts and throws things, he would never hit me but he has threatened to stop me helping the dogs

Listener: nods...

Me: as he take it out on them if they are bad by locking them out

Listener: you know diabetes affects emotions alot? when sugars are bad, it makes people act out in ways they dont mean

Me: my home is far away and i am living here for convenience as they kindly said i could stay when uni ended

Me: yes im aware of that thanks,

Listener: nods

Me: but i cnt take it ALL the time

Listener: ok, so lets see,, does he have therapy for anger?

Me: no

Me: he stays in the house al day every day

Listener: nods of course not he has to fix this

Me: and i just lost my job which means im here all the time to

Listener: ok, so, number one.. you have to do what you have to do to take care of yerself.

Me: its not just that thou, i dont get any positive attention when hes finished being mad he just leave it

Listener: look for work, get out and take walks *especially when hes being angry, leave and go for a walk

Listener: you need to do everything you can to meet your emotional needs

Me: yea thanks this is what im doing at the moment

Listener: nods..

Me: i go out with friends and stuff, but i still have to come back here

Listener: family or friends that can talk w him about his anger?

Me: no one seems to be able to calm him down

Me: and it makes me feel bad every time even though i know he cnt help it

Me: i feel like leaving

Me: he constantly thinks only about himself

Listener: nods.. well maybe you could leave, and be friends, untill he is able to get his life together

Me: i dnt c how he will ever get his life together

Listener: well sometimes when things chage it makes people deal with their "stuff"

Me: hes lived like this since he was 11

Listener: believe me i have dealt with issues like this. i ended up trying for a few years and it only got worse, when i left my life changed and so did his.

Me: he was happy when we started going ot and then it kinda grew into this

Listener: so maybe then you just need to decide what YOU need to do for you

Me: you think me leaving might be what he needs to sort him self out?

Listener: nods usually angry people need someone to take it out on.. someone they think wont leave.. so its "safe" to vent on them. even tho that is wrong, they do it

Me: yea

Me: so i feel stuck

Me: lol

Me: i leave and go home and this ends, or i stay and feel like crap, either way il feel like crap

Listener: well.. look for work, look for a roomate thing nearby, that would let you work around the house in exchange till you ae working

Me: yea i am

Listener: then you can see him, date even but have seperate space

Me: i have a consultancy job down south for ten days

Listener: maybe a nanny job? a housekeeper or help a disabled person w chores?

Me: yea il do anything

Listener: ahh ok then good time to write him a letter and ask him to fix things

Me: eep

Me: maybe

Me: i have asked to his face many times

Me: told him i cnt take it

Listener: write it down tho... guys dont listen well

Listener: then remember this.

Listener: men like to have a problem that has a solution

Listener: so say a problem, then offer three solutions..

Listener: ask if he has a better solution, or if he will chose one of yours

Listener: then make that happen

Listener: even if its a STEP in the right direction. praise him really well

Me: i can try, but he says theres nothing he can do about it, he docent want to help himself

Listener: like training a puppy

Me: lol

Me: hes very much take me as i am

Me: or leave

Listener: then hon, ye HAVE to leave and let him be. you must seek your own mental well being and peace

Me: i think so to

Me: im waiting i guess

Me: there will never be a rite time

Listener: even if it hurts., it will hurt less in the end to leave and find peace than to fight everyday

Listener: nods never a right time, ye just have to do it

Listener: call a local womens shelter they can help emotional abuse is still abuse

Me: u think it is that?

Listener: yes i KNOW that

Listener: i had to do it

Me: i grew up around abuse and have been in an abusive relationship before and i thought this might be but i wasnt sure

Listener: 6 months ago

Me: go on

Listener: it was hell leaving him after yrs

Listener: but i had to get out. and i had no money.. no job no car

Listener: he was mentally and emotionally abusive

Listener: i got out and life IS getting way better

Me: what did he do?

Me: did he put u down?

Listener: he was an angry mean person

Me: he does that sometimes, says im boring, or uptight, not often thou

Listener: and then would tell me how he wouldnt do it aymore

Listener: till the next time

Me: thank you

Me: honest thanks so much

Listener: hugs you

Me: he never say he wnt do it again or appologises

Listener: its ok to need help getting out, to be scared unsure etc

Me: he never comes to make me feel better, he barely acnowloges that hes made me feel bad

Listener: just please think about it.. talk to the womens shelter they have counselors to talk with

Me: il just go home i think

Me: i need to learn how to avoid these men lol

Me: i feel safe here i know he wnt touch me

Listener: nods.. be safe and take care of yourself

Me: thanks u to